just not enough

4am- thoughts continuously roam my mind. I'll probably never be enough.

Well, that is if they paid me a dime for my thoughts and even then, i'd be worth very little.

Face it; smart just won't cut it.

invisible woman, parallel to the invisible man ralph ellison so eloquently wrote of. running from a past, afraid of a futuer, but the man did what he knew he had to. no fears of his outer- elements. she, too afraid to go beyond herself.

Now. She's crying out for some clarity, some stability. Invisible she; can never be who they are and maybe that defeats her. not being them.

...maybe its this blurred early morning vision.

Life.

Curl up in a ball and die, but, like the phoenix I hope to rise again.

Alone, when its all said and done those words of advice are for self-fullfilment, they wipe a tear and rub your back but that's their own confirmation. no one truly cares, for if they did no call would go unanswered, or unreturned. life itself is paradoxal, I cannot phatom.

leave me be. I'll be okay, or, I'll pretend I am anyway. Please - just, leave me to my thoughts.
Can you see?


Hey, its 4am.