Estelle

I'm a little late with completely listening to the Estelle, "Shine" album but I'm done and the track, 'no substitute love' is off the hook and it speaks to me and my current situations.

Amen, over & out.

I lay on my couch, in reverse. My head on the ottoman where ones feet belong my feet up against the wall. Listening to songs that make me happy.

...happy.

Sometimes we tend to look in all the wrong places for happiness. Men, Women, even material possessions. Though I've tried, I truly find it in myself, in my own space, in my own time.

....happy.

Its a beautiful place to be, the sad thing is that we often occupy "happiness" for short periods of time. Never going back for more and not because we choose such. But, because, we don't know that happiness is never further than yourself.

Can your heart be in two places at once?

People used to say, "as your grow older your perception of love evolves."

Very true. I learned that the heart never really stops loving if it was truly in love to begin with. I often question the genuineness of love. I know the difference between the loves I feel for each of the people I am writing about but I don't understand if it is at all right. 

Can you love three people at the same time? Of course, the levels of love don't compare...I want to know, can you?

who really has your back?

When people answer that question...they'll say one of two things:

1. Your family.

2. Your close friends.

Much to his, hers and my dismay....that's the furthest from true.

Family just means you come from the same place but are inevitably branching off, much like a tree. They'll cut you deep, lie on and to you and when you make "it" they'll claim you owe them things and suck away your funds. They are energy vampires. Now, they definitely don't have your back!

Friends should be the last people you depend on and if you do, don't be silly enough to call them your family, because in the aforementioned description of family....they let you down the most.

I'm realizing all I have is me. When I think of a best-friend the greatest is my mother because no matter how upset I make her, she never judges, never lies and never sells me out.

You can't trust anyone or anything but yourself and your own ability to fend for yourself.

I have my back. I hold me down and it took me 20 years and 8 days to see it.

...to twenty.

So as I near my twentieth birthday God keeps showing me things.

It's weird. I like it, but it scares me. I guess I'm finally getting the hang of using this gift God has blessed me with. He told me yesterday that someone in my circle is a snake. He told me this after I hung up from a "friend". Not sure if that was his way of saying its that person or what.

I turn twenty in five days and I leave for the west coast in four. Needless to say, my bags aren't packed! As soon as I touch down I'm going to the beach to meditate. To talk to my creator and to thank him for bringing me clarity on me.

the space between heart & mind.

I can remember a time when, people were skeptical. They didn't know if it was a wise decision but instead, I chose to listen to my heart.

Today, I now know that heart is seperate from the mind. Your mind is what should be calling the shots, because it sees all and feels all before the heart does. The heart lags behind, unaware. My heart still wants every now and then, no matter who is aesthetically pleasing to my eye at the time. There are some relationships and some people (partners) that you'll never forget. Some partners your heart will never stop loving.

Blah.

School Daze

After I came back from BOMBING my Econ final I heard Miss Alicia Keys had a new video.
So, of course I peeped it and immediately fell in love. Clearly the inspiration for the video was Spike Lee's School Daze and being a Howard University student, I LOVE the thought of it.

School Daze is loosely based on Howard University. (Not to toot our own horn or anything) From the political activism on the steps of Douglass hall to the good and bad hair complex. It's a timeless movie and one of the many reasons I love Howard! Go Bison!!

On to better news;

• I have a house! No more dorms and loud intercom interruptions!
• HE wants to marry me and I'm beginning to think this is more than just a joke. It's like a constant upbringing of marriage and children. I guess I'm not as ready for love as I thought. =/