simultaneously heart-broken.

Ironically, at this very moment my heart has been broken simultaneously, by love and life.

Go figure.

The two things that are told to us, by some pale greater being are that love and life go hand-in-hand they should always make you smile. Pfft, I beg to differ.

Love - at some point in this race, I caught you. Slowed your pace some. Every now and then I catch you trying to run from me, sometimes I wonder if love is afraid or if love just isn't interested in what we've gotten ourselves into. Nevertheless, my feelings for love will never change, not now anyway. Reason being: it only ends in two ways, marriage or heartache. I'm familiar with the latter.

Life - first shattered my soul when it sent my Great-Aunt home, six months later it sent my Grand-father. Life happens and plans are altered, but never like this..

You can have my heart or we can share it like the last slice..

"Sometimes you hope too much, then we hope not enough, keep hope alive."

In the beginning I hoped big for something that was seemingly far-fetched. Now, that desire is reality.

Allow me to be weak for a moment, 25 reasons:

1. Batman - The Dark Knight

2. Annie: "Oh my goodness, oh my goodness".

3. Your drunken smile.

4. "who's my favorite girl?"

5. Your love for your friends.

6. Over-sized pancakes.

7. JR. & The other...

8. Carter the bear.

9. Putting my Uggs in row with your shoes :)

10. The Park dates.

11. Your drive.

12. Savannah, Ga.

13. Putting up with my fits.

14. Fat-man Scoop.

15. Growing from a boy to a man.

16. The arms that hold me.

17. "Mann, get off my nuts."

18. Pointer-finger promises.

19. Gypsy eyes.

20. Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Wendy's.

21. Rock Creeks.

22. "Hoedog."

23. Late night talks.

24. Best I Ever Had - Drake

25. Because you are you, always.

Music Monday: Why I Love U So Much - Monica & With U - Monica.

"Morgan loves you even when you don't think she does."

I don't know why you love me, but you do and it makes me love you more.

Life, as a story book

I created a book that was eloquently written, on accident. Or, was it created purposefully? That's besides the point.

You co-wrote. So, we wrote the beginning of a piece of art that, regretfully, ends at its beautiful beginning. A chapter long.

We shouldve never wrote the love letter, for it ended with a period...or the lack thereof.

We gracefully, not carefully, consrtructed this story. As the letters formed words, words became phrases and amidst a particular sentence, it was left unsaid. We'll never know if the book turns out "happily ever after"...

Ironic enough, I don't know if any book ever truly ends that way. Some could say stories never stop, the pages just run out. But I'm sure we can conventionally end ours with "The End."

Chance of Love?

I ask myself a lot, which would be easiest...

Walk away and leave with nothing or keep walking towards the unknown? Only to walk away from the supposed 'unknown', broken and damaged. Sounds like a lose-lose situation to me...

Ultimately this leads me back to where I once solidly stood - love/relationships/lovey dovey crap is for sappy-wimpy-lily hearted- fools.

"It is better to have loved once than to have never loved at all." - I never had love, never truly possessed it.

So, I'll stick to the latter.

Search for Solitude.

It is hard to watch people that you appear to be similar to obtain goals and work continually towards those goals while your path seems to have more speed bumps, deterring you from getting to end at the same rate they are, but I now comprehend the saying, "everything ain't for everybody" - I'm walking, I may not be going at a consistent speed, but I'm walking. I'll have to find my speed and when I do, I'll get there. 

I'll get it.

Searching for my solitude; 

I came from the ground if you want to be technical, so in the grandiose picture I came from the earth. My happiest times were spent in the park, on the grass, on a park bench, listening to the wind tell me what's next. I suppose we'll start all over again on this quest to peace and start with mother nature. She always has been good to me :)

I'll let you know how this goes...

Ficky-Ficky Success?

Blasting my music, jamming out, living life as random as I could possibly do....the music came to a hault. 

Success is.......What?

In this superficial bubble, that is Howard University, success is defined as membership in numerous organizations, a decent (or maybe not so decent) GPA and popped hair  (in a males case nice clothes). But wait! If you live off of campus and have a car, your even more successful...right?

The free spirited aren't candidates for success supposedly, or maybe not the success warranted by the masses. They're the straight and narrow kind of kids I've never truly liked, they shoot one arrow up at a star and hope to land but, if you miss, then what? I live by the philosophy that states the opposite. Shoot several arrows at several different stars, your bound to hit one, if not all. 

Scatter-brain. Not like an idiot but, simply put...scattered. 

I don't think I can plan my life according to a five year plan, I'm too finicky for that...I'm too me , for that.

So...what is success?

Sunday, the pastor said, "if you rely on formulas for prosperity your bound to fail" ......I never did like formulas. 

:)

Where are you, me?

Seems as if I've been living in a lot of chaos lately, a piece of my sanity was left at BWI Airport on December 30, 2008 when I made my way to Atlanta for a week filled with debauchery, gluttony, blasphemy and all things irreverent. 

I suppose it was my 4.0 GPA or the fact that my father treated me to everything I asked for in the month of December. When my flight landed in Washington, DC on January 2, 2009....I starred blankly out of my window, longing to go back. Apparently I forgot to pick up my sanity at the baggage claim.